The Legendary Rise of KickAss Knights
Long, long ago, in the age of dragons, wizards, and questionable hygiene, there were five brave souls destined for greatness—at least, that’s what we always believed. We were knights, warriors of legend, the chosen few who would one day carve our names into history. Our squad: Tommy the Bold, Marie the Fearless, Alan the Quick, Matt the Reckless, and Rudy the… well, Rudy.
We were bored. And in the Dark Ages, boredom was more dangerous than an army of ogres. So, naturally, we did what any group of highly unqualified knights would do—we went questing!
Our journey led us to a desperate village plagued by a monstrous beast lurking in the nearby forest. The villagers, trembling in their thatched-roof huts, promised a hefty reward of gold if we could vanquish the horror. Being the noble warriors we were (and definitely not just in it for the gold), we accepted the challenge.
Of course, slaying a beast wasn’t as simple as swinging a sword and yelling intimidating things. So, we trained under the watchful eye of the kingdom’s most battle-hardened knights, sharpening our skills until our arms ached. But brute strength wasn’t enough—we needed wisdom. That’s where The Wizard of the Tower came in. A cryptic old man with a beard long enough to trip over, he taught us spells, potions, and the most important lesson of all: Never drink from a goblet you didn’t pour yourself.
Armed with steel, spells, and the kind of overconfidence that only comes from watching too many heroic tales, we marched into the forest. The battle was epic. Swords clashed, spells crackled, Marie drop-kicked a goblin (even though we weren’t sure why it was there), and in the end… we emerged victorious. But not without loss.
Rudy had fallen.
With heavy hearts, we left his name carved into legend and moved forward, seeking more adventures, more glory, and more opportunities to not die horrible deaths. Over time, we became legendary warriors, slayers of beasts, rescuers of kingdoms, and collectors of more gold than we ever knew what to do with.
Then… time passed.
Many, many, many years later…
Our swords had rusted, our armor was gone, and our days of epic battle were just memories. That is, until fate reunited us once more—on the playground.
There we were, in our brand-new shining helmets—not of steel, but of pure rock and roll. No longer wielding swords, but guitars that roared like dragons. No longer slaying monsters, but slaying killer riffs.
We were no longer knights of the battlefield—we were KickAss Knights, the greatest rock band in the world.
And while Rudy was gone, his spirit lived on. In every power chord. In every drumbeat. In every over-the-top guitar solo that made the villagers (now called "fans") scream for more.
We had once kicked monster butt. Now? We rocked the world.
And that, my friends, is how legends never die. 🤘
Earl
He once fought monsters, big and mean,
Now it's lozenges and herbal tea routine.
When he's not laying down mad vocal tracks,
He’s mastering the art of midday naps! 🎤.
Marie
Once a warrior, fierce and grand,
She charmed the beasts with just a hand.
Now she rocks the keyboard tight,
Playing fast through day and night.
Her mind stays sharp, her work’s a hoop,
But coffee’s the key—it helps her poop! ☕.
Max
Max once swung steel so fast,
Now his riffs are built to last!
From battle cries to rockstar dreams,
His guitar shreds and lightning gleams.
With skill and charm, he won’t go dimmin’,
A true rock knight who respects all women! 🎸🔥
Matthew
Once he clubbed the dragons down,
Now he drums with thunderous sound!
Beats so loud, they shake the trees,
and he likes cheese!
Rudy
He Dead.